Dear Cis People,

As I write this, today is March 31, the International Trans Day of Visibility. It is possible that someone you know may come out to you as transgender or nonbinary today. I have some tips for you.

• Don't use or ask for our deadnames. The name given to a trans person at birth is called a "deadname" because it no longer describes us. It is not our name anymore. If you know a trans person's deadname, don't use it. Besides, calling people what they tell you to call them is common courtesy.


• Don't ask if we're getting The Surgery. Our genitals are our own business. Whether or when we do anything to change our genitals is also private business. We don't ask about the size of your penis or labia. Be polite.


• Don't make comments about our appearance. Stuff like, "But you made such a beautiful woman, why would you want to be a man?" or "But what if you don't look good as a woman?" are already on our minds and making us feel insecure. Don't add to that, please.


• Ask for our pronouns. And use them. Even if it's a weird neopronoun you've never heard of before. It's gonna take some practice to get used to, sure, but many of us are changing our entire bodies. Compared to that, learning an extra pronoun is a walk in the park.


• Don't out us to other people. Please understand that this is a deeply vulnerable moment for us, and that coming out to the wrong person has gotten some of us killed. You don't know which of your friends and loved ones are safe for us to be out to. Trans people are statistically four times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population. Please respect that we don't necessarily want the whole world to know.


• Be kind. Your loved one has just bared their soul to you. Let them know that you still care about them. If you're not sure what to say, a simple hug can speak volumes.

Thank you for reading this. Remember that we come out because we trust you and care about you. Thank you for doing the same.

Lots of love,

Trans people